Harry says Meghan did not kill herself as she didn’t want him to lose ‘another woman in my life’

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Prince Harry has told Oprah Winfrey that his wife Meghan Markle was only prevented from killing herself by concern over him ‘losing another woman in my life’.

In his new docuseries, The Me You Can’t See, Harry opens up about the night Markle told him she was suicidal.

The pair had been married for less than a year and she was pregnant with their son Archie when, in January 2019, she told him she was deeply depressed. 

Markle first revealed the trauma of that night in her March interview with Winfrey.  

‘The thing that stopped her from seeing it through was how unfair it would be on me after everything that had happened to my mum and to now to be put in a position of losing another woman in my life — with a baby inside of her, our baby,’ he said.

‘The scariest thing for her was her clarity of thought. 

‘She hadn’t ‘lost it.’ She wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t self-medicating, be it through pills or through alcohol. 

‘She was absolutely sober. She was completely sane. Yet in the quiet of night, these thoughts woke her up.’ 

Harry said that he did not know how to handle her confession. 

‘I’m somewhat ashamed of the way that I dealt with them,’ he said. 

‘And of course, because of the system that we were in and the responsibilities and the duties that we had, we had a quick cuddle and then we had to get changed to jump in a convoy with a police escort and drive to the Royal Albert Hall for a charity event. Then step out into a wall of cameras and pretend as though everything’s okay. 

‘There wasn’t an option to say, ‘you know what, tonight, we’re not going to go’ because just imagine the stories that come from that.’

He said that the night was, for him, a revelation. He realized that they could not continue the way they were.

‘While my wife and I were in those chairs, gripping each other’s hand, the moment the lights go down, Meghan starts crying. I’m feeling sorry for her, but I’m also really angry with myself that we’re stuck in this situation,’ Harry said. 

‘I was ashamed that it got this bad. I was ashamed to go to my family. 

‘Because to be honest with you, like a lot of other people my age could probably relate to, I know that I’m not gonna get from my family what I need.

‘I then had a son who I’d far rather be solely focused on, rather than every time I look into his eyes, wondering whether my wife is going to end up like my mother and I’m going to have to look after him myself.’ 

The prince, whose new series airs on Apple TV+ from May 20, told Winfrey he feared ‘history repeating itself’ after he began dating Markle , and was reminded of his mother being pursued to her death while she was dating ‘someone who wasn’t white’.

Diana, the princess of Wales, died in 1997 alongside Egyptian film producer Dodi Al Fayed, who she had been dating for several months.  

Harry said he felt there were parallels in their stories when he followed in his mother’s footsteps and began dating a person of color. 

‘My mother was chased to her death while she was in a relationship with someone who wasn’t white,’ he said. 

‘And now look what’s happened.

‘It’s incredibly triggering to potentially lose another woman in my life. Like, the list is growing. 

‘And it all comes back to the same people, the same business model, the same industry.’

In the candid interview, the prince discusses his failure to process the grief from the death of his mother; the helplessness he felt when he struggled to protect her; and his dependence on drugs and alcohol to numb the pain.

He spoke of his anxiety and sense of being trapped in the palace, and his family’s refusal to help when Meghan felt suicidal.

In the series, people from around the world discuss their experiences battling issues of depression, trauma, anxiety, and mental illness, including famous faces like Lady Gaga, Glenn Close, and NBA star DeMar DeRozan. 

Harry said therapy helped him ‘break the cycle.’

‘For me, therapy has equipped me to be able to take on anything,’ he said.

‘I knew if I didn’t do the therapy and fix myself I would lose this woman I could see spending the rest of my life [with].’ 

He says his family tried to prevent him and Meghan from leaving when she was suicidal and admits to drinking and doing drugs in his 30s.

‘Eventually when I made that decision for my family, I was still told, ‘You can’t do this,’ Harry told Winfrey. 

‘And it’s like, ‘Well how bad does it have to get until I am allowed to do this?’ 

‘She [Markle] was going to end her life. It shouldn’t have to get to that.’

When asked if he has any regrets, he says it is not taking a stand earlier in his relationship with Markle.

Harry told Winfrey that the trauma from his childhood ran deep. 

‘I always wanted to be normal, as opposed to being Prince Harry, just being Harry,’ he says. 

‘It was a puzzling life and, unfortunately, when I think about my mum the first thing that comes to mind is always the same one, over and over again: Strapped in the car, seatbelt across. My brother in the car as well, and my mother driving and being chased by three, four, five mopeds with paparazzi on.’

He said that his mother was vulnerable, exposed, and given no support.

‘She was almost unable to drive because of the tears, there was no protection,’ he recalled. 

‘One of the feelings that come up is helplessness. Being too young, being a guy too young to be able to help a woman, in this case, your mother. 

‘And that happened every single day until the day she died.’

The 36-year-old, who began dating Markle in 2016 and married her in 2018, said that he has been seeing a therapist for the past four years.

He told Winfrey that he found it incredibly beneficial, and the process helped him deal with the trauma of his mother’s death. 

He explained that he simply tried to push his mother from his mind. 

‘I don’t want to think about her, because if I think about her then it’s going to bring up the fact that I can’t bring her back and it’s just going to make me sad,’ he said. 

‘What’s the point in thinking about something sad, what’s the point of thinking about someone that you’ve lost and you’re never going to get back again. 

‘And I just decided not to talk about it.’

In his 20s and early 30s the prince self-medicated with alcohol and drugs, he has revealed. 

‘Towards my late 20s, I was starting to ask questions of should I really be here? That was when I suddenly started going, ‘You can’t keep hiding from this.”

He said his family could not understand his attitude, and his need to deal with the grief.

‘Family members have said just play the game and your life will be easier,’ Harry told Winfrey. 

‘But I have a hell of a lot of my mum in me. I feel as though I am outside of the system but I’m still stuck there. 

‘The only way to free yourself and break out is to tell the truth.’  

He said that the attention he and his wife get ‘makes my blood boil’.

The prince explained: ‘We get followed. Photographed, chased, harassed. The clicking of cameras and the flashes of the cameras makes my blood boil. 

‘It makes me angry and takes me back to what happened to my mom and what I experienced as a kid. 

‘Not just traditional media, but also social media platforms as well. I felt completely helpless.’

 

For confidential support call the National Suicide Prevention Line on 1-800-273-8255