Veteran who served in Afghanistan says the last two weeks have ignited her PTSD

A veteran who served three tours of Afghanistan said the scenes of turmoil and evacuations of recent weeks had reignited her PTSD. 

Rachael Phillips, from Darlington, initially enlisted as a medic and, while serving on her first operational tour in 2008 as a project manager, employing local Afghans on infrastructure projects, dealt with serious trauma injuries.

She then commissioned as an officer with the Royal Engineers, becoming a Captain after training at Sandhurst, before switching to the Defence Cultural Specialist Unit, specialising in developing community relations.

Speaking on Good Morning Britain today, she explained she was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after her first tour of the country in 2008. 

She admitted the recent events in Afghanistan had resulted in a flare up of mild symptoms, as she worried about the women and children in the country.  

Following a 21-year-long war in Afghanistan, the armed Islamist religious-political movement known as the Talibans have taken over the country following the announcement of the withdrawal of US and UK troupes. 

Rachael was invited onto the programme alongside Carol Betterbridge, the head of clinical support at Support our Heroes, to discuss how the situation in Afghanistan affected the veterans who had served there. 

‘I was diagnosed with PTSD after my first tour of Afghanistan in 2008, 2009, the years in between have been ups and downs, with periods where I’ve been absolutely fine and able to function normally ,but also times where it hasn’t been possible and very difficult times in my life,’ she said. 

‘Of course the events of the past few weeks and particularly last week have really brought back this chapter of my life which I had very carefully tried to keep closed,’ she added. 

‘I’ve done a lot of work on leaving behind and I think that my focus on Afghanistan when I first left the country was bordering on obsessive. 

‘I was checking the internet everyday trying to find updates on the village that I served, I stopped doing that in time and tried very hard to not think about Afghanistan anymore and I’ve moved on and my life has moved on significantly and I feel in a much better place. 

‘But obviously what is happening at the moment is bringing it all back to before and I’ve noticed that much milder symptoms have started resurfacing.’

After she was asked by Ranvir Singh, Rachael read an extract of an essay she wrote to explain what her PTSD felt life. 

‘It is a piece that I was asked to write by the Armed Forces Christian Union back in 2016 just to help people understand what it’s like first hand,’ Rachael explained. 

‘It was just the bathroom door slamming in the breeze, but I was ready, I was ready to hit the floor and take cover or fight, or run or whatever. 

‘I was ready for anything, I had never felt more ready, and now my mind has caught up and I realise it’s just the door. 

‘I feel a lot of other thing as the fear subsides, I feel silly, I feel ashamed, I feel sad, I feel sorry for myself, I feel angry at myself, I sometimes feel angry at the army too.’

The veteran also said she was ‘extremely worried’ about how the Taliban take over of Afghanistan would affect the women  and children of the country. 

She said it felt like all the progress and the steps people had taken to educate themselves and the hopes and dreams they had started to form was ‘taken from under them.  

Carol Betteridge, Head of Clinical Services at Help For Heroes thanks Rachael for her testimony, saying it was ‘very important that people talk about what’s happening to them and the feeling that they have.’

Carol said she felt asking whether British intervention in Afghanistan was or wasn’t worth it wasn’t ‘helpful’ to veterans.  

‘What we’re trying to do is support those veterans and I think the question “was it worth it/was it a waste of time is actually unhelpful,’ she said. 

‘Whatever you did in Afghanistan, whatever you are in the armed forces, you always try to have an effect. 

‘I think we all tried to have an effect when we did that mission and tried to help the Afghan people, and showed them what a different way of life might look like.’

She went on to explain what Help For Heroes did to support veterans.  

‘So what we like to do is let all our veterans and other armed forces personnel know that we’re proud of them. 

‘We’ve launched a campaign called #stillourheories because they are still our heroes, and we want them to feel proud. 

‘I know they’ll feel angry but I want them to know everything they do for us, we feel is worthwhile.’  

People appreciated hearing the story of a veteran like Rachel. 

‘Listen to our Afghanistan veterans, just listen to them #gmb, read their books,’ one said. 

‘The most simple things can drag you back into your PTSD hell. Even one word is a trigger and you can sense, see and smell everything that triggers it,’ one said. 

‘You feel every drop of cold sweat running down your body & shake uncontrollably in a frozen sweating state. It’s horrible,’ they went on. 

‘`PTSD is a hidden disability… it can affect anyone in any job,’ said another.