Anorexic reveals she was given DAYS to live after starving herself for years

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A recovering anorexic who nearly died as a result of her horrific eating disorder has opened up about her lengthy road to recovery – while revealing she is now attacked on Instagram by trolls who make cruel comments about her weight.    

Shae Taylor, 19, from California, was diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia when she was just 14 years old after she began seriously restricting her food intake in an attempt to lose weight. 

The nanny revealed that she would refuse to eat for days at a time in the hopes that it would help her get thin, and admits to exercising so much that she would pass out. 

But despite dropping weight at a worrying speed, Shae says she would cry every night while looking at herself in the mirror, explaining that she still believed she was ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’, no matter how thin she became.   

She managed to keep the severity of her eating disorder hidden from her parents, Karen, 51, and Travis, 52, by eating with them and then purging the food later on, allowing her to maintain her dangerous habits in secret.  

‘I was diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia when I was just fourteen-years-old. I would refuse to eat for days and when I did eat, I would only have small amounts of food,’ Shae said.

‘I would work out until I passed out and purge most of the food that I would consume – but despite the amount of weight I was losing, I would still look at myself in the mirror and cry because I thought I looked ‘fat’ and ugly’ where I felt completely unlovable.

‘At the time, my parents didn’t fully understand what I was going through as I was so secretive with my eating habits where I would eat in front of them, but then purge it all out later.

‘However, they began getting concerned when my friend, Jude, and my therapist pointed out my weight and bad eating habits in 2017.’ 

It was then that Shae’s parents realized the severity of their daughter’s condition, and she was admitted to an eating disorder treatment center, where she remained for a full year, going through a variety of different programs, including partial hospitalization and intensive outpatient care. 

However none of the treatment plans worked and Shae’s eating disorder continued for more than a year, eventually reaching the point where she was unable to even stand without feeling faint.  

Shae became so sick that she had to be hospitalized in May 2019, when doctors gave her just three days to live – revealing that her anorexia had taken a severe toll on her heart rate and blood pressure.  

She also developed bradycardia – a heart condition – which she still has to deal with today, as well as refeeding syndrome – which can cause the body to get overwhelmed and give out when it is given a normal amount of food. 

While in hospital, Shae had to be fed via a tube, which ensured that she got the nutrition her body needed while she recovered enough to begin eating a more normal diet.

‘As a direct result of my eating disorders, I became extremely sick,’ Shae explained. ‘I was losing weight at a rapid pace which caused my heart and blood rate to become very weak and I was also diagnosed with bradycardia – a heart condition – which I still deal with today.

‘I was also diagnosed with refeeding syndrome which means that because my body hadn’t consumed food in so long, it would give out if I was given a normal amount of food and due to this, I had to be fed through a tube.

‘My body was in a state of starvation and I could barely stand without passing out at this point, which was when I knew something needed to change.’

Six weeks after Shae was admitted to hospital, doctors told her about the grim diagnosis she was given upon her arrival, and she says that this reality check – although devastating – served as the motivation she needed to finally focus on her recovery. 

‘My doctor informed me after 40 days of being in hospital, that I was given three days to live when I was admitted,’ she recalled. ‘These words changed my life as I began thinking back over all the years of pain my eating disorders had caused.

‘I became overwhelmed with sadness and came to the conclusion that my disorder could have caused the end of my life and that my eating disorder and losing weight was no longer worth it, as the cost of my life was too great.

‘I started to realize that there was much more to life than calories and losing weight, so I began changing my habits there and then, bit by bit.’ 

After leaving the hospital, Shae was admitted to a residential center where her eating habits changed as she was required to eat foods that she was terrified of, such as ice cream and pasta.

‘After I was discharged from the hospital, I was admitted into a residential treatment center for a further two months, which was a super long process – but as I was required to eat food that I was terrified of, I realized that the world didn’t end just because I ate something and that the food wasn’t unhealthy – my attitude towards food was,’ she said.

Although the road to recovery was tough, she has remained committed – and all the while documented the process on Instagram in the hopes of providing inspiration to other young girls and women who are battling eating disorders. 

She also wants to make people aware of the dangers of commenting on people’s weight – even if you think you are offering them a compliment – explaining that her peers’ remarks about her thin frame only served to fuel her eating disorder. 

‘I used to receive lots of comments on my weight from fellow classmates such as, “Wow, you’re so healthy,” when I would bring in a single lettuce leaf and granola bar for lunch,’ she said. 

‘As well as this, a boy in the playground once said, “You’re the skinniest girl in school – you’re like a zombie.”

‘I know this should have hurt, but my eating disorder thrived off these comments as I took their words as proof that my eating and exercise habits were working.

‘Just goes to show that you should never comment on someone’s weight or eating habits, because you never know what they are going through or how it will affect them.’  

Even now, as she tries to present an honest and natural image of body positivity to the world on Instagram, she faces cruel comments from trolls who mock her healthy frame and joke that she could ‘crush her boyfriend with those thunder thighs’. 

Another said: ‘You went from anorexic to overweight – find the middle ground fatty.’

Still, she is determined to keep sharing her story so that she can help others, and part of that means being honest about the highs and lows.  

Shae says that gaining weight was the hardest part of her journey, and felt almost unnatural to her because it meant doing the exact opposite of what she had been telling herself to do for her entire life.   

However, she knows that her recovery has saved her life and she is grateful that she continued fighting and didn’t let her eating disorder consume her.  

She is now going on to attend college in September 2021 and is also moving into her first apartment in a few months. 

‘Gaining weight has been by far one of the hardest parts of my recovery journey,’ Shae said. ‘I believe as we live in a society obsessed with diets and weight loss, we are taught from a young age that losing weight is the only way to be accepted and healthy.

‘During my recovery, I was doing the complete opposite of what I had been told my whole life, which was so scary as I was afraid of ‘letting myself go’ by gaining weight – but in reality, I was just doing what was best for my body and health.’

Her relationships with her loved ones have also improved drastically in the wake of her recovery; she admits that her eating disorder consumed so much of her life that it created great distance between her and her family, her friends, and her boyfriend David.

But after committing to getting better, she has been able to learn how to communicate better – while they now understand and accept Shae’s triggers and low moods.

Shae’s and David’s romantic relationship is also stronger, as his patience and willingness to learn about her eating disorder, as well as constant encouragement throughout her recovery has meant that the two are in a healthy place. 

Shae believes that although she has gained weight and is now healthy, that she is still in the process of recovery as some days she doesn’t even think about her eating disorder at all, whereas others, she struggles to just eat an apple.

‘I’m still healing, but I’ve come a long way. If I could talk to my younger self now, I would say that recovery will give you everything your eating disorder is promising you,’ Shae said.

‘Gaining weight has changed my life for the better, as I used to be so weak, self-conscious and deeply depressed.

‘Many people have commented on my weight gain in a positive light, saying that they are happy to see me healthy and thriving. One of the best comments I’ve received came from a friend who saw me for the first time since leaving the hospital who commented, ‘You are glowing – it’s nice to see the life in your eyes again.’

‘I decided to start posting about my recovery journey in 2017, as I wanted to help break the stigma surrounding weight gain and eating disorders. I wanted to show people that they are worthy of love no matter what their size and I thought it was important to show my real, unedited body to others.

‘My main goal is and always will be, to be the person on social media that I needed when I was younger.

‘However, I have had some negative comments from people on Instagram who have said, “I bet you crush your boyfriend with those thunder thighs” and, “You went from anorexic to overweight – find the middle ground fatty” – which does strike a nerve, but I try not to take it personally.

‘I’m out here living my best life and I feel sorry for the people who feel the need to try and take people down like that – but I always like to remind them that unless they are a medical professional, they have no right to diagnose me.

‘I believe that everybody is beautiful in their own way, regardless of what your body looks like or what stage of recovery you may be in.

‘My advice to anyone struggling with an eating disorder, is to take your recovery one day at a time.

‘Recovery can be overwhelming and scary – but one day you will look back on all of this and be proud you didn’t give up.

‘Yes I’ve gained weight, but I’ve also gained my life, strength and confidence back and that’s more important than what my body looks like.’